Talorn

Vomit Door

Back to the door. The door does not have a handle. Tristrim Roadhouses’ it to no avail. Gabark saunters up to the door and jams his meaty hand down his throat. Rohgar uses Gabark’s head like a fire hose. Vomit covers the door and ruins the tarnish. A sudden opening and flames fly out of a hole in the door. Gabark and Rohgar do a synchronized double lux back triple tuck and land arm in arm. Tristrim and Rohgar attempt to use Tristrim’s half-life crowbar and schwing, the door crawls open. Tristrim yells “I see daylight, and a human cultist” followed by “what the”.

An intricate plan is laid. Rohgar angles Gabarks’ butt cheeks while he farts and Rombolas’s shoots a fireball through it. It goes horribly wrong and Tristrim hand is singed for 5 points of damage. Rohgar pops his head through and says “whats up?” and the guy answers with a stab-attempt to the face.

BATTLE!

First attack and Rohgar stabs the guy and murder death kills him. The door is still ajar, but only slightly. Rohgar challenges Tristrim to a pulling open the door contest, and he accepts. Rohgar slams his side open. Evennia pokes her head in and sees a room full of people at a dance party and then some giant 9×9 thing. TWIST! Isila is in the room being held prisoner. Gabark also thinks he recognize the dwarf in the room and asks us not to kill him.

So Tristrim and Rohgar stand in the doorway and maul a bunch of guys who run at them. They trade friendly banter and beef jerky. Gabark teleports.

Gabark: Boulderbeard?
???: Who speaks my name?
Gabark: It’s me fool!
Boulderbeard: Is that you Gabark?
Gabark: Yeah, where’ve you been?
Boulderbeard: Don’t you remember I got convicted of a crime I didn’t commit and have been running?
Gabark: Yeah and I’ve been looking for you and…
Boulderbeard: And…?
Gabark: And ummm, yeah I got something terrible to tell you, and thats it was me who framed you.
Boulderbeard: You what?!?
Gabark: It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done and have been seeking you since…
… Boulderbeard thinks…. and then yells and tells the Behemoth to attack Gabark. It rushes him. Cue FF3 music.

Gabark is gored for 35 big ones. Behemoth gores him again for 22 and Gabark is down. Boulderbeard runs over and attempts to finish him, but misses. Gabark is slumped over against the wall in a pool of blood.

We all attack the Behemoth but he doesn’t care. Isila screams some more stuff. Boulderbeard tells the Behemoth to attack our meat shields. The Behemoth tramples the lot of us like a dick. Rombolas shoves Rohgar out of the way, saving him but getting his own legs trampled. Rohgar says he’ll carry him around in a basket. Evennia raises Tristrim. Tristrim goes over and hollas to Isila. She says she can get us out. Tristrim lets her free and she bolts, saying “I’m outta here, follow me if you want”. Tristrim tackles Isila it super hair flowing slow motion and yells “It’s just been revoked”.

Rohgar raises Gabark. Gabark gives Boulderbeard an oscar winning speech asking for his just judgement, and to leave his friends out of it. And then rolls a 19 for diplomacy. Boulderbeard raises his sword but then drops it and hugs Gabark. And dwarven tears smell like beer. The Behemoth is called off.

Evennia talks to Isila. She came to work with Boulderbeard but he slowly got insane. Eventually he thought she was a traitor due to his furthering crazy and he had her locked up.

The plan is now for Tristrim, Rohgar and Evennia to go back to town to tell them the the threat is over and Isila, Boulderbeard, Rombolas and Gabark we’ll all meet back up at Thail’s Farm.

Errrone gets level 6.

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