It’s late and we’re trrrrd so we setup camp. Guard duty is Evennia, Gabark, Rombolas, Tristrim and Rohgar. Us lucky bastards get off with no random encounters. Woo woo! The night is wet and a bunch of Jesus Pig shit washes off of the Trimaran. We arrive at the beach around noon.

After a little while, the boat nearing completion, some schmucks come running out of the forest. Rohgar whips out a giant blood curdling yell. 3 groups of wimps piss themselves and run away. Two beefy looking humans and a guy with a giant staff/sandwich/something that probably means he’s dangerous remains.

The battle goes well and the dice favors team good-guys. The bad guys suffer from cuts, burns, arrows and dying. We get down to the last guy and he’s all like, can I be your friend. Tristrim yells “It’s just been revoked!” winds up and…tickles him. He takes an action point and finishes the job. We all then run onto the boat.

Once we get on the boat Gabark corners the doctor, berates him and says the only way we’ll bring him to the mainland is that he is to be our healing/supply bitch anytime we want.

So yeah, we fire up the jet engines on the boat and take off. Rohgar yells “Freedom!”

It takes us 5 days to reach the port city of Glyrath. Evennia tells us to behave well since the God Bahamut is revered here. And OH SHIT, it’s all of our neighborhoods!!! We head to the Hilltop Inn to get cleaned up. Tristrim finds a bounty board and sees that Isila is the most wanted, and Evennia is not listed. The Hilltop innkeeper Ferein yells at Tristrim and tells him to go get clean out back and then come back and talk. Tristrim gets 3 rooms and we head to the bath house. Tristrim looks at Gabark and yells “His balls have a beard!”. Evennia, Tristrim, Gabark and Rohgar all stay back at the Inn, eating, drankin and chilling out. Rombolas goes to the center of town and talks with Ihelia, a Dwarven blacksmith. He tells me where I can go get some black market wares. Perhaps there will be a lead to Isila there?

Poop....I guess....

So…for some reason the battle does a 180 and Rombolas wipes out an enemy with his daily (and set the child hostage boy’s hair aflame), and Tristrim and Evennia opportunity attack a guy to death. Gabark nails a third one with a careful shot and brings him down as well. The fourth enemy, unfortunately, dodges Rhogar’s halberd and runs away from battle. Not wanting to find out who he brings back, Tristrim puts the fire on the child’s head out with dirt, we abandon camp with as many supplies as possible and head through rough terrain north searching for uncharted and seemingly untouched parts of the island where we can hide out and try to leave. Tristrim yells at the doctor for making a campfire in the first place. Travelling a far and long distance, we find a place near a river with caves for possible shelter far away from cannon ball fire. It is uphill and the trees are thinner and we seem to be more toward the center of the island itself. We set up a relatively nice camp despite the Doctor complaining that it isn’t cushy enough. We rest comfortably and regroup.

Chatting with the small child, who’s name is Little Timmy, we try to make a plan. It is suggested that we make a Trimaran and use the tents as sails. DM laughs that we want to build a boat in the middle of an island then haul it to the coast We begin gathering materials for our boat…wood, clay, vines, fronds, Jesus Pig poop…away from camp with the intent to hide the supplies and then head back to camp each night.

In the evening of the 1st night, Gabark warns us as we are building that he hears horses. We quietly make it back to the cave and try to conceal ourselves. Peering out, we see the same pack of 30-40 horses travelling East-West, obviously a search party. Luckily, they go by without seeing us. Rohgar takes to Timmy and Timmy starts to revere Rhogar. Tristrim takes a fascination with where everyone poops and starts squeezing Jesus Pig for poop. Gabark attempts to tell tales of his people. Evennia is quiet and nervously checks over her shoulder from time to time hoping another search party doesn’t find us. Tristrim finishes pig pooping around and the doctor, who was intimidated by him earlier, now laughs because Tristrim smells of poop. I can’t believe they pick my night to take notes to talk about poop for 30 minutes

On day 2, Tristrim drags a non-helping Rombolas out of the cave to help get palm fronds with his sickle. Gabark says “Swing your sickle at the palm trees and fuckin…make the fronds fall down.” Lazily he helps. Tensions with the doctor heighten because he doesn’t want to help build the boat. Rhogar tells him if he doesn’t start helping the first surgery he will have to perform will be removing his foot from the doctor’s ass. Gabark notices the rations are getting low and decides we should go on a hunt.

Day 3 begins with us getting ready to do more work on said boat. Gabark wakes the doc up by clanging his mace against his shield. They argue. Around noon, the 3 main sections of our Trimaran boat are complete. We head in a southeasterly direction with our sections of boat. It is heavy and hard work and progress is slow. It takes a while and the sun starts to go down so we make camp. Some how we manage to elude the search parties and scouts for 3 days.

The Burning of Fort Furt and Fort Foort

The party wakes up and deliberates on today’s course of action. We can’t decide whether we should next investigate foort or furt. Being the wisest decision, we allow Jesus Pig to make the decision for us. Scratching his chinny chin chin, he knowingly points his foot at furt and we set off under cover of darkness. We hone the nature skills of a gameboy and have no idea where we are, and somehow lose the road. With astuteness never before seen, Gabark detects 30 or so horses to the southwest headed northeast. We muster our best nature skills and at least figure out roughly where we are, southeast of the furt. We travel carefully toward the furt with Gabark in the lead. The forest gets dense as we approach it. Gabark pulls ahead for some SRS reconnoiter action. I see a clearing leading up to a fort looking very similar to the other with a road that appears to be well traveled, however no horses are seen. Just then, we see the 30 horsemen appear on the road and quickly do nothing. Upon chillin we hear the lead lady say something about murdering awesome people because they’re scurred. We decide to chill and wait. We see additional horsemen, totaling in about 40. Nobody’s going into the furt but there is much travel in the area, in a hasty search-like fashion. Everyone seems to be bearing a merchant flag familiar to Evennia and Rombolas. Rohgar suggests checkin out foort and Gabark considers a mission impossible on furt.

We go with Rohgar’s idea and make haste toward foort. We arrive to find foort in a state of disrepair. Gabark fabricates a plan of pure genius to set a delayed trap that will cause an explosion in foort by the time we arrive back at furt to draw all the peoples away so we may make our assault. Gabark executes a “steath” maneuver whist banging pans together and knocking over trash cans, lucky for us foort is empty. We find some lamps and nothing really useful for an explosion. We decide instead to start a massive fire by tearing down what structures there are and building a huge fire pit. We douse the pile with lamp oil and make a few puddles of lamp oil on the side with candles in them. We light the candles for a delayed fuse effect at Tower Foort.

Almost all the way back to furt the fire ignites and grows to Chicago-size proportions. As we return to furt we see the horsemen bookin it for the fire. In an effort to be quick about it, we rush the door of the now undermanned furt to smash it in. Gabark is found to be more in the way than anything and gets pushed into the dirt mid-charge. Rombolas hits the cement column instead of the door, like he does. The rest crash into the door and knock it down. The only one there is a little crapass kid who pees himself at the sight of Rombolas. Tristrim and Evennia stay to watch the kid and the rest of us get to shoppin. Tristrim interrogates the kid and finds out that they are guarding a main base, Isila is planning an assault on Glyrath. Isila has a sister, aparently named Evennia. Isila hates her and wants to blow up their hometown. Further questioning reveals that the merchants are here to supply Isila, merely acting as mercenaries. Gabark, Rombolas and Rohgar return with an ass ton of rations and lots of explody stuff. We load the rations and Rombolas makes quick work of the kid, sending his life juices flyin. With one last sweep of the furt we find a map that shows where the main fort is. We plant the powder kegs by the towers, and bring a horse loaded up with rations. As we head south along the road the furt becomes no more in a shower of flame and wood splinters.

We head east back toward the camp, feeling pretty good about the day. As we approached the area where our camp is, we see a large fire coming in the direction of the camp. Gabark pulls ahead and with the perception of 1,000 eagles and finds us walking into a trap. The fire set to draw us in, the passengers corraled in the corner of the clearing and a bunch of baddies all about. We strategically place ourselves around the clearing and Gabark initiates combat with the best signal of all, his arrow releaving one of the enemies of their gray matter. Everyone runs in a-smashin, nearly every strike bringing down another foe until our surprise is exhausted. Doc blames us for this happening which nearly results in him being left for dead. Combat rages on, Evennia and Tristrim get sliced in the leg good, losing mobility. Gabark fells another minion and Tristrim get’s well-smashed, knocked down and dazed. Rombolas unleashed hellish rebuke upon the ground at his feet, frightening nobody. Dude man moves in for the revenge and smacks Rombolas a little. Rogar moves in for a tactical kill and swings high, with the collective anger of the elder dragons he unleashes a lightning bolt upon a poor soul’s head. Evennia swings and burnenates her foe. More small blows are exchanged, some people get marked. Gabark lays out the last minion. Dude swings his morning star to make a killing blow onto Tristrim, Gabark attempts to interrupt the action with an arrow but sinks it instead into a nearby tent, luckily dude was a little distracted or something and somehow misses a prone giant. Tristim, feeling unhappy about how things have gone, crushes this man in the side of his face with his halberd relieving him of several teeth, and kicks dirt into his face wound. Rombolas attempts another hellish rebuke and scorches his opponent, adding god knows what extra damage for whatever reason. Rombolas’ guy runs for the hostages and grabs a kid, dick move. Rohgar swings and misses, Evennia smashes her dude. Combat rages on, the minions fell quickly but the remaining foes have proven themselves worthy opponents.

The Obsidian Tower Part Deux

Rohgar, starting atop the once-sheltered archer, grabs the bowman’s head and starts slamming it against the floor, driving splinters into his increasingly bloody and misshapen face. Rombolas was bleeding out and Evennia administers magical field surgery. He feels a little better. Then Evennia and Gabark, simultaneously begin putting on a slapstick show, using the muddy ground to their advantage. In the midst of his wall slipping, Gabark expertly arcs an arrow over the wall and cripples a dude’s achilles tendon. Rombolas sees broken achilles guy all bloodied up and get excited. Danny celebrates our collective dice misfortune with a resounding “Woooo-eee!” Rohgar drops poutine-face in favor of charging an armored guard but just kind of ends up tripping over his own shoelaces. Penis-helmet tries to run past Tristrim out of the tower and just kinda limps and stumbles towards, so Tristrim trips him while pushing the back of his head into the wall. He now resembles his poutined counterpart. Evennia and Gabark work together to crash a gate and Rombolas attempts to assist them but he rams full force into the stone column, hoping no one saw, but we did. The gate landed on the wounded heel guy. Tristrim’s tower slowly becomes further on fire so he shoves penis-helmet into a corner and strolls out, leisurely. A mage shouts out some threat about reinforcements and he makes Gabark temporarily retarded with some lightning magic. The mage then taunts Rombolas as he is approached. Rombolas fires back with a ferocious “Your mom!” Rohgar bolts down the tower stairs and kicks the door to smithereenees. Gabark, still being retarded, sort of throws an arrow at a guy for 2 damage. The mage makes a run for it, probably trying to get these so-called reinforcements, Rombolas gives chase and stands in between two bonfires (for symbolism) and releases the Mighty Flames of Fellacio[sic] catching him aflame. He gets all battlemad(+1, +1, +1, +1 etc.) and finishes off the wizard with an Eldritch Blast. The remaining guard proceeds to run for help. We follow suit, trying to silence him. Evennia isn’t having any of this, so she NFL tackles him to the ground. He then tries to get all touchy-feely with Evennia. Gabark smashes creepy guy’s skull with his maul. The group deliberates what to do about their predicament on this island. Everyone eats a pony. Picks the fallen for loot and checks their tents for supplies and food. Among these things as discover some sort of tactical area map and a Longsword plus one! Yay! We get the idea to roll up the five tents, with contents, and take them with us back to the beach. Upon getting back we inform the doc about what had happened and what we’ve found. We move the group inland, in a north-easterly fashion, setting up base in a heavily wooded, defensible area.

The Obsidian Tower

The trap sprung, the adventurers hurl themselves into the cold grip of battle.
Through raw sharpness of wit and timely execution the party would find themselves footed superbly upon the art of surprise. The first few meager figures presented to them would be slain within moments of their final realizations, Their comrades in arms left only to view the spectacular strokes by which they should be struck down to the sandy earth beneath them. Our heroes move swiftly, dispatching bewildered onlookers with steel and arrow nocked true.

The day however would not be so easily won for out from behind Gabark the next wave entered the fray swinging wildly at the stout dwarf. They converged with great haste and savage focus, as though he were the great jewel set within a crown of ancient monarchs carelessly cloistered within a den of thieves. Gabark’s stature would serve him well this day for his enemies would vastly misjudge his height and serve only to assist the marksman with a gentle refreshing breeze.
The encouragement soundly taken Gabark would display feats of agility only a dwarf could make look so disciplined, feinting back whilst expertly positioning a pair of arrows between his knuckles only to draw them to find their marks with remarkable precision.

Having dispatched the search parties sent out to track them down despite the onset of a horrendous storm the party would resolve to waste not a moment, setting out to find the source of these men that choose to go bump in the night. The journey ahead was fraught with peril to be inspired from the torrents of rain coming together with the thirsty ground below. The going was rough to say the least as the quagmire unleashed within the jungle seemed hungry for adventuring feet and legs. These obstacles would do nothing to deter our heroes thirst for answers, as they were summarily overcome and passed. Time would slip the bonds of conscious vigilance amongst the fury of the storm, yielding only the visage of a road as any indication it had been ebbing away in the slightest.
Seemingly invigorated by his sense of adventure Gabark would fling himself as perhaps the great Lords-A-Leapin’ would likely do straight into the unknown brush. Fate however held sinister plans for him as this brush was prepared to fight back with big black balls, lots of them. In the ensuing flurry of awkward dodging and extra fancy footwork in light of the furious ebony spheres Gabark would be struck soundly in the chest. Its mark’s lasting impression embedded into the dwarf’s armor as though it were a beer can. The rest of the party too would not escape the horde of bouncing black balls, save Evennia who would leap and dodge with such ease as though she had done this before.
Their senses heightened they gingerly explored further down the road so as to find where it may lead. The answer came swiftly through the air, stopping only at Rohgar’s chest. It was an arrow with a clear message of harmful intent.
With the signal of additional combat this day the party negotiates the difficult terrain littered with balls. Closing the distance they would discover civilized battlements from which more arrows would scream through the air to meet them. An oddity to be pondered at a later moment as this seemingly well organized abandoned island would inspire more confounding mysteries to our intrepid adventurers.
Seeking to answer the newly presented problem Gabark and Rombolas would pair up together to adhere flame to arrow, in an effort to set these battlements alight. Although valiant the efforts they wove would not bear immediate fruit.
With fury truly unleashed Rohgar and Tristrim would both have had enough arrows for one day. Driven forward by the desperate need for cover they would both ascend the palisade to reach the towers on each side seeking to limit their effectiveness upon the party.
Tristrim’s approach more practical as he sought to blind the archer within, descend the wall, and ascend up into the tower to meet his foe in single combat. Rohgar’s tactics started off similarly sound but would be met with great frustration. In this he resolves to leap up upon the tower and crash down within it.
Moments later in a feast of dwarfish cunning Gabark would calculate swiftly in his mind, letting loose a perfectly judged arrow high into the air to come down with great speed into an unsuspecting soldiers foot.
The battle this day would be continued again when we next join our heroes.

Day 3 - By Gabark's Beard!

…and the battle with the two feeling archers continues. Tristim shalacks them for 10, Rombolas moves into position but misses, and Rohgar comes in like a murder whirlwind, bludgeoning an archer and exciting Rombolas enough to allow him to hit him as well for extra damage. Gabark pulls out some twin strike nonesense, missing the first archer and getting failing to his the second with an automatic miss o’shame. The first archer tries to run from Tristim who goes all freak-out on him, striking him and keeping him from being able to move and hit. The second archer tries to flee, but Rohgar intimidates the literal pee out of him and he falls to the ground, crying. Rohgar knocks the archer about the dome with the flat of his blade, rendering him unconscious. At this moment Evennia come running from around a large patch of trees and throws her ax at the archer and misses in a fit of rage. Tristim, worried that he’ll escape, chases him down but missing the archer who is showing the evasiveness of a wooded mongoose. Rombolas catches up to him, but misses the archer with the grace of a rock. Rohgar picks up a waste covered bow from the fallen archer and takes a shot at his compadre, but misses. Gabark, the groups last hope attempts to dash through the bushes, but is thwarted by the thick branches. He instead dashes and dips, pulling up his trustee bow and planting two arrows into the archer for a total of 22 murder death kill points. Game over man.

Rohgar carries the befouled archer over his shoulder like a sack of poo. Tristim arrives at the beach to find people eying up Jesus Pig, so he goes over and chills with him. Shells rain down and cover everyone in mud. Trimtim rides Jesus Pig around. The group talks about about what options they have. The archer tries to run and Rohgar grabs him and tells him “No”, pushing him back to the ground. The archer says he was hired by someone in Glyrath to try and guard this place. Isilla (sp?) is who told him to guard this place. Rombolas and Gabark both smack him. A supply boat comes every two months and last came two weeks ago. He reveals there is a base and a labyrinth. Rohgar snaps the archers neck.

The party moves east in the boat several miles and finds us a nice cove. We setup camp and night arrives. Guard shift is Tristim, Gabark, Rombolas, Rohgar and Evennia. During Rombolas’s shift, he notices a group of people walking closer. He hears them talking about how they must find us, so we decide to setup an ambush, using the others with us as bait.

Day 2 - Rombolas

After the battle and introductions, the group takes stock of what they have left. Gabark suggests investigating the island as a group. We scout the coast only to be beckoned back to camp because a survivor has washed up. It turns out to be a very banged up and unconscious Tiefling. The doctor, Evennia, and Tristrim manage to stop the bleeding and the group goes back to explore the coast while the Tiefling heals.

Finding nothing, we return to camp and find the Tiefling awake. Insert Kevin awesome in pain roleplay here Insert Tristrim and Gabark Token size war here We find out that Rombolas was part of the security detail of the ship that crashed and he was in the Captain’s Quarters when the ship sank. Rombolas searches the area and informs us that these shapeshifters are Doppelgangers who can transform into something that they touch. We follow some tracks in order to locate where they came from. 200-300 feet inland, we hear a mortar shell incoming. Taking cover, we get bombarded heavily. Evennia and Rombolas are hit with shockwaves from shells and are launched into the trees. Evennia gets stuck in a tree. Gathering together, we continue on. Tristrim exclaims “Ewww, Old Jollies!” We hear some noises and decide to sneak and investigate. Tristrim gets caught in a trap and fire arrows begin flying. The battle is tough with 3 allies getting bloodied quickly. More enemy reinforcements keep running in. Rombolas screams from cover “GUESS WHAT BITCHES! I was in the bushes!!!!” and curses and fire attacks some fools. Evennia, Gabark and Rohgar go down but are revived. The melee enemies go down fairly easily but we are pinned down by the ranged archers. Tristrim gets sick of this crap and hits an enemy for 30 damage and says, “Asshole.” We get the group down to 2 archers.

Day 1 - The Shipwreck

Talon is a land that has seen peace for 150 years. It’s people worship Bahamut. They are attacked on occation from outsiders for theyre valuable metal ore, which they have in abundance. They use this metal to make magical weapons which they sell. The provinces are peaceful with eachother.

We began our adventure on a boat. It’s called the HMS Courtland, a flagship for the Talon Navy. We were headed from the mainland to Glyrath, on the souther coast of the island.


We traveled around the north edge of the island which is unusual, but there are storms on the southern coast. Gabark is below deck watching people while drinking. Everyone else is on the deck pacing and watching the water. Tristrim and Rohgar are feeling seasick, Rohgar pukes a lightning bolt into the water.

Glyrath is an old town, besieged many times, new walls are built outside old ones. The seas are getting rougher as we approach the city.

Tristrim goes below deck for some water. We get hit with a 35’ wave. The mast splits, Evennia is thrown from the ship, Rohgar hangs on. Tristrim uses a piece of wood for a surfboard, Gabark is thrown about and curls up like a pinball. Gabark grabs the doctor and runs to the top of the deck. The boat hits a reef and splits in half. Gabark and Tristrim start saving people who are below deck, 10 in total plus a pig. Rohgar starts throwing people overboard near the dingy boats. Evennia is trying to swim for land. The waves push her back so he hits up a dingy boat. The ship is sinking rapidly. Gabark manages to hold on, Tristrim and Rohgar are not so lucky. They fall in and make for the dingy boats, Gabark grabs the doctor and jumps off the boat and makes for a dingy. There are 12-18 survivors out of about 30 original passengers. We make for the small island to the east of Talorn island.

Once on land, the doctor begins tending to injured people. The island has been used as Glyrath’s testing ground for ranged artillery so its marked with craters and an old barracks. We realized we forgot about the pig, he’s standing on a piece of coral back by the ship. Tristrim rows back out to the boat and returns with it. Rohgar and Gabark went on a hunt to try and avoid eatin Jesus pig. Tristrim and Evennia start building camp. Gabark is approached by a small man in tattered clothes, he asks for help. Gabark brings him back to the beach and he transforms into a large human and grabs Gabark and puts a knife to his throat. We start fighting, a bunch more dudes jump out of the trees but theyre child’s play. The fight goes well, the survivors are a little freaked out but its all good for now.

The group, havin its first oppertunity to do so, introduces themselves to eachother.

The story so far...

The island of Talorn, it seems, is in a constant state of war. Originally owned by Lord Tharkon some 200 years ago, it’s primary purpose through the centuries has always been the front line of defense for Telon. Many of the attacks on the homeland come from the southern tip of the continent.

Glyrath, a bustling port city nestled on the southwestern corner of the island, has been rebuilt many times due to heavy bombardment from the various enemies of Telon. The multiple layers of cracked walls overgrown with moss are evidence of the epic battles. However, instead of rebuilding the walls as they stand, they simply build new ones outside the old ones with the enormous granite slabs that are mined from Mount Stickythroughclouds.


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