Talorn

Substitute For Kevin

Wait…what? I dunno…shut up

The party sleeps in the dungeon, it was uneventful (suprisingly for a Danny Campaign, perhaps the doom is to come). The party ventures carefully down the halls being quite stealthy, until Rohgar and Tristrim come to a door that Gabark had passed. The stealthyness is broken by the SMASH of Tristrim “lockpicking” the door with his giant club. Rohgar stepping in gets smashed by a giant rock, fantastic, oh and he’s unconscience.
Moving on, Gabark takes to shooting blindly down hallways, then gets nice and personal with the wall.
Trudging forth Tristrim takes a side way and falls into a small pit filled with small slits that contain crossbows, riddling his legs with bolts. After a fumbled attempt at Dwarven Medicine from Gabark, Evennia comes to the rescue!
Along the way the party encounters an extremely sturdy metal door. The party tries several methods to open the door but it defies all conventional methods of thievery and muscleyness.

Then there was a tornado warning in Indiana and we had to stop =(
Be safe you guys.

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Gelatinous Rhino

Fart.

The battle rages on. Gabark fires an arrow at the deceptively intimidating Orc Freak. Suddenly, Orc Freak smashed Tristrim so hard that 20 years in the future Tristrim’s son starts screaming while he watches his hand disappear (Credit Seanbaby for this joke). Rombolas tries something but it just ends up being embarrassing. Tristim rolls over onto a bandaid and is no longer dying. Evennia brings Tristim back from the dead. Rohgar charges in and further heals the man, he then makes ready an offensive gesture for use at a time of dire need. Human Hexer runs in and vaporizes the Orc Freak. An archer tries to attack Tristrim but is distracted by his pectoral muscles. It’s a well known fact in the medical community that pictures of Tristrim’s pecs are used in third world countries as a substitute for fertility drugs. Garbark fires an arrow and Rombolas fires some fire at the archer causing him much suffering. Tristrim finishes the job with one archer and all that remains is a very unhappy other-archer, which Evennia makes short work of. Thus completes this encounter and we begin searching the bodies. Tristrim and Gabark requisition each a giant club the size of Gabark.

We head down the hallway to the north and decide to get through a wooden door. There is no doorknob so it’s head-butting time. Tristrim and Rohgar slam the door so hard that train wrecks thought their father was coming home. Gabark takes a peak into the room and Rombolas shove him and himself into it. Tristrim follows after an unsuccessful attempt at convincing one of the Human Hexers to groom his hair. The 3 of us find ourselves suddenly trapped inside a Gelatinous Cube. Gabark decides to start eating his way out. Tristrim tries brute force, no good. Rombolas hits it with a hadoken! He’d like some pound cake. Rogar, at the permission of those found within the gelatin, throws a grenade in the gelatin. The grenade goes off inside the gelatin (because Gabark’s Engineer’s fuses burn underwater). 1/3 of the cube is shook into melted jello and Gabark and Tristrim are awesomely disoriented, yet have slight mobility now. Gabark ties a rope to an arrow and the other end to himself. The knots he used were so awesome they are still studied by master sailors. He fires the arrow out of the cube and it lands in Evennia’s hands. Rombolas pushes Gabark towards the hole in the gelatin and it increases in size slightly. Tristrim forces his head through the arrow hole and screams for other people to pull the rope, gettin a little hot in this rhino. Evennia and Rohgar start pulling the rope, Rohgar heaves a mighty ho and Gabark comes flying out of the gelatin. Tristrim is hanging halfway out of the cube and Rombolas is only slightly closer to freedom. The gelatinous cube slops forward and engulfs Gabark again. Luckily Rohgar still has the rope so he grabs all the lackeys in tow and they all start pulling. Gabark makes a face so angry it uses a standard action, and resumes eating the gelatin. Rombolas tries another hadoken, no so good this time. Evennia uses this opportunity to make fun of Tristim’s split ends, burn. Tristrim tries to think of something to do while Evennia continues to taunt the hair. He decides to pull himself out but is too slimy to make it happen. With a mighty pull they bring Gabark and Tristrim out and they come crashing into the rescue group. Rombolas is pulled out to the point where he is halfway out of the blob. The blob forms a jelly hammer and smashed it into Evennia. Rohgar instructs the Hexers to shoot magic missiles at the cube around Rombolas, freeing him to the cold grip of the dungeon floor.

Gabark and Rombolas run to the back of the adjacent room and fire an arrow/eldrich blast at the cube. The latter somehow being dodged by the massive mindless blob. Tristrim is confused. The blob shrinks itself to fit through the door and engulfs Evennia and Rohgar. Rohgar tries to heal everyone but its not too easy when you’re lodged in 10 tons of Smucker’s. All the lackeys start shooting and stabbing in a free for all. The gelatinous cube is bloodied, or jellied. Gabark and Rombolas do the usual attacks with familiar results. Tristrim unleashes his most ferocious attack with all the gusto of a melee basic. Despite being inside the blob, Evennia damages the gelatin so much that Jello filed civil lawsuit. An attack so awesome that everyone around her was healed by the erotic energy. Rohgar does his best at 1-upmanship and executes an attack so equivalent to Evennia’s that mimes all over the world began weeping. The cube is defeated and melts, creating a nice sheen on the marble floor.

We enter the blob’s room and begin looking for treasures. With the Lackey’s help we manage to find:

Small Obsidian (41 gp each)
2 x Small Turquoise (42 gp each)
Uncut Malachite (46 gp each)
2 x Uncut Moss Agate (43 gp each)
+1 Magic Armor (phb 230, 360 gp) Cloth Armor (phb 214)
hoard total 729 gp

+400 Experience for defeating the Gelatinous Cube

What feats of daring face our group of adventurers as they press on in this mazical dungeon? No one will ever know.

Fart.

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Widdershins

Deciding to get out of smashed and burned guys room and leave the archers behind, we head south down the hallway. Rohgar peers around the corner and doesn’t see anything. Using his shield to peek around corners, he continues down the hall not seeing anything. Gabark, feeling the wall surface, notices a well crafted button in the wall and pushes it, opening the next door we come across. Inside the room there are stacks of crates. Rohgar cracks open a crate and in it is filled with supplies. We begin to sifting through them and looting. We arrange to carry the supplies up to the surface to our awaiting army. Word from above tells Rombolas that we have broken through the lines with 20 casualites and no sign of Isila. They have killed an additional 50 soldiers and taken 45 prisoners. We are left with 3/4 of our force.

Moving along to the south door, Rohgar steps through and iron bars slam down on all 3 doors in the supply crate room, trapping us in the crate room and Rohgar in the southern room. Unable to figure out a way to move the bars, Tristrim and Rohgar attempt to crowbar the bars apart. The crate room ceiling begins to lower. Frantically we stack boxes to try to block the ceiling. Gabark yells to the archers in the hallway to push that button that let us in the crate room to begin with. Miraculously the ceiling raises and the iron bars raise.

Deciding to go forward, we move into the next room and Gabark notices some pressure plates. Gingerly we step over then and proceed. Gabark inspects the next door we come across, noting that its a regular door. Tristrim decides to headbutt it, and it opens just fine. Gabark notices no trappiness in the room. Rombolas perceives no magic, however Tristrim says “Outta the way nerd. I know magicks when I see it.” Tristrim notices, with his sudden Arcana knowledge, a chest. Inside it contains 2700 gold. Gabark takes care of the next door and Tristrim and Rombolas have a little girly wrestling match out of boredom.

Tristrim heads into the next hallway finding a stairwell and he heads down with a mighty “tick tick tick tick.” We are led into another maze of hallways. Splitting up to explore faster, one of the archers decides to mess with a door and green gas pours into the room knocking the archer out. Rombolas also falls peril to the gas, muttering obscenities as he falls into a sleep. Gabark holds his breath to attempt to step into the gas cloud and try to examine the door that triggered the trap. He can’t hold out, however, and soon falls into the sleeping man pile. Rohgar tries to ram the trap door and buckles it. Unfortunately Rohgar, too, can’t hold out against the gas and adds bulky lizardness to the sleepy pile. One of the mages attempts to freeze the nozzles shut and slows the gas.

Hearing clamor in the upper hallway, Tristrim and Evennia turn around from the southern hallway exploration and head over to where the rest of the party members are. Gabark and Rombolas manage to wake up and move out of the cloud. Unfortunately Rohgar’s face is right on the nozzle. Gabark attempts to dent the nozzle with his shield and fails, managing only to smash Rohgar’s big boy parts. Tristrim comes up behind Rombolas and Rombolas tells him “Man….this sucks.” The mage manages to freeze the second nozzle and Tristrim pulls Rohgar out of the cloud. Tristrim then smashes the door and we head into the room behind the booby trapped door.

Beyond the crappy gas door, we find 2 large (and in charge) orcs and 2 archers. Tristrim throws a piece of wood at an orc and he runs away. The orc gets mad and runs through the door after Tristrim. Rombolas shoots a fireball and misses. Gearing up for the worst fight ever, Gabark opens with his daily, hits…..and the orc is dead?!?!? Gabark is pissed he burned his daily. Tristrim charges through the gas and back into the room and bloodies the next orc. Evennia moves past the gas and into the room ready for battle. Gabark edges just outside the gas cloud in the hallway and Rombolas makes it into the room. Tristrim swings his halberd in a widdershins arc and hits all three enemies bloodying one. The archers manage to hit Tristrim with arrows.

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Yeeeeaaah
We set up a mighty defense in the ‘reception’ area of the dungeon. Suddenly, footsteps from down the north hall way. Some sort of wall-ish contraption is being pushed down the narrow hallway, and we notice a lever being activated and the bars in the entranceway slam down again. The moving wall makes its way closer and a few flaming balls are tossed over it into our area. Peculiar things, leaking some sort of flammable gel. We quickly decide to toss the couple of corpses on them, hopefully smothering them. Gabark lets loose a volley of fiery arrows into the wall/table thing. One of the balls decides it’s time to blow up, spewing its sticky fire glue onto most of the group. Rombolas welcome the acidic, napalmy goodness and embraces it lovingly. Gabark gets a good splattering and it begins to eat away at his chestpiece. Evennia, too, is smothered and her armor starts melting away. Oh no! Rohgar and Tristrim and try to deftly scoop up some of the volatile goop and utilize it to melt the bars between the ball tossers and their harbingers of death. Whilst they are occupied with this, Rombolas channels the power of one thousand suns and hurls his concentrated conflagration toward the bars, effectively warping them, through to the feeble table. Gabarks makes an reflexive attempt to shoot arrows through the flying fiery boulder, but he’s blinded by the unholy fires of hell. The perpetrators expectedly withdraw. Gabark craftily manages to raise the pressure plate in the floor, causing the bars to the east and north to raise back up into the ceiling. The dwarf then decides to attempt to pick up one of the glowing, superheated, 2 inch thick bars which broke off when the mechanism was raised. Somehow he manages to shoot it like an arrow down the hallway and down a flight of stairs. We hear a man go, “AHHH what the hell! AHHH! FAAAHK!” Intrigued, we decide to witness the poor sap and his shitting-themselves-with-fear cronies. Rohgar challenges Tristrim to a going down the hallway first contest. Tristrim accepts. We decide the winner by picking up one of the remaining red hot steel bars and the first to let go loses. The lizard’s scaley talons are no match for the calloused, meaty, norseman-like palms of Tristrim. Tristrim goes first. Going down the hall, we see the glowing rod, impaled through the poor guy’s nards. His friends nowhere in sight. There’s a door to the right, Rohgar wants to bust through it. Tristrim agrees. The meat duo decide to bust the door down with a simultaneous headbutt. After three attempts the door is ever-so-slightly budges. Gabark saunters over and declares “Hey guys, check this out.” Gabark reaches for a latch and the door creaks open. Rohgar curses the confounded contraption. We go into the small room, there is a narrow pit, covered with iron bars. Rattling sounds can be from inside. Rohgar cracks a sunrod and drops it down in there. A swarm of rats are seen gnawing on a decayed body. An iron chest can be seen down there as well. With many mighty “Eek!”s, the rats get burninated by Rombolas. Gabark inspects inspects and easily figures out the lock while Evennia keeps an eye out for ambushers. Inside we find: -3x carved banded agate (171 gp each) -3 x crown azurite (174 gp each) -2 x crown blue quartz (189 gp each -3 x uncut sardonyx (176 gp each) -falchion (phb 218) -4065 gp After all that the stout one knocks upon the iron door in the other corner of the room. Nothing happens. Rohgar inspects the door and finds a lever. Rombolas rolls a fuckin 20 thievery and notices another lever on the door and sees that it allows the lever to have two settings: left or right. He reasons that if it pushes to the right it will open. And so it does. rRhgar goes down the hallway and peeks around the corner to find another door. Walking down the hall to the door off to the left is a yet another door. Gabark attempts to sneak in the room but his beard is too loud or something and the enemies are very well alerted to our presence. Oh shit it’s epic knife guy again! Gabark, Looney Toons-style, remembers the burning, horrid acid on his chest from 3 scenes ago is still on him. Fuck it burns! Knife guy charges Gabark and swings at him, and the dwarf shifts away to safety. Safe for him but not so much for Rombolas. An archer Robin Hoods an arrow into Rombolas’ face and drops him like a deuce. The crafty dwarf uses his ranger powers to masterfully rewind time and negate the deadly attack, causing it to miss completely. The devil tries to burn some foo’s but chokes amidst the storm of attacks headed his way. He runs away. Tristrim charges from the back and swings!.. and misses. Rohgar, mighty warlord makes a feeble attempt to damage stabby guy. But he divinely inspires Tristrim to swing again, this time hitting for 11 points of damage while arrows fly just overhead. We begin to strategerize and decide to fall back into the room with the floorpit to lure the enemies down that way. Evennia healing the fighter on the way. Mr. Stabby follows, gashing open the lizard with his mystical dagger. The archers continue to miss. Gabark leaps up the walls Jackie Chan-like and breaks open a healing potion into Rohgar’s mouth. Restoring his dragony vitality. The archer readies his Insightful arrow and launches it into Rohgar. He shouts back for another potion. Rombolas sits Gabark down for a 6-second college lecture on the history of poison-tipped arrows. Rohgar being the last to retreat heals himself on the way while Evennia uses magic paladin healing on him as well and Tristrim tosses a healing potion at him. They’re soon followed by Mcstabberson and as soon as he is in sight Rombolas unleashes the Flames of Fellacio upon him. Tristrim being in front gets swung at with the doomly dagger and is missed. Mcstabberson being in the doorway, Tristrim flips the door switch to the left and 2 nozzles in the ceiling above him spew a shower of fire upon him for 35 damage. Tristrim flips the switch to it’s center position and the douche is pinned in the heavy iron door and it continues to crush him. Rohgar and Tristrim seize the opportunity and start headbutting him, Gabark joins in. After a few hits Rombolas steps forward and commands him to tell us what we want to know and Stabby guy monotonely replies "No, I will not tell you anything because I am being crushed by the door I put together. The door continues to crush the guy and it finally closes completely on him, cracking bones and squeezing entrails etc. Rohgar steps back and lets out a quiet exhale. Turning back to the rest of the group he spouts “I guess he couldn’t (retracts lizardy eye membranes) handle the pressure.” YEEEEEEEEAH. With that way shut, we turn back to retrieve more of our soldiers.

Evennia 5500
Gabark 5550
Rohgar 5775
Rombolas 5100
Tristrim 5725

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Well we killed the big guy..?

With the giant ogre slain the army settles down for the night, it is a unifying hope that the night shall treat them well..miraculously it has!
Fashioning a battering ram throughout the morning the army deploys it with perfect precision.
So precise that debris from the explosion comes back and hits tristrim and rohgar.
The door flies into a rage and is eliminated, the fortress has been breached!
Upon inspection Gabark sees things that remind him of possible trap and enlists the help of the mighty Rombolas to assist with the disarming of said traps.
Unable to discern anything of the trap its decided instead to shield the trap and endure instead of disarm. The trap sprung, bars come down taking the life of one soldier and injuring another. Stranding Gabark inside a room with manned firing positions.
Solving the obstacle of the bars with an explosive the party spills into the room.
With some ingenuity Gabark invents the grenade. The party delivers them into the firing slits in the hopes of sploding whomever was back there, aided by Tristrims expertly STABBYSTAB action.

Pinned in this room the party tries to lay a trap for a group of reinforcements coming down the hallway. The plan seems to be executed well, the first wave is handled swiftly. Rombolas wings a firebolt down the hall and splodes some dudes. Evennia unfortunately throws short of her mark and her grenade. Gabark flings arrows true over shoulders to find exposed parts of enemies. Tristrim burned his hands, things happened stuff went down and then the session ended

tune in next week

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Assaulting the Main Fort

We begin with Tristrim and his meaty hands knocking out the bandit leader, who lands on Rhogars junk. Now it’s time to implement the plan — trick the dude into making him think he’s back in his camp and needs to report. Rohgar, Gabark and Rombolas are fake tied up outside. The guy is placed in a tent. Tristrim is dressed up like a giant officer mongo guy and Evennia is playing the roll of Isila. T&E wake him up and ask him what happened to him. Bandit leader is confused and looking for his weapon. Tristrim tells him he’s with the Merchant District Unit here to take over for some guy who died. Bandit leader says he never heard of this guy at the meeting they held a few days ago. Tristrim steers the conversation with a successful bluff check. Bandit leader says he remembers fighting a group of 5 guys when a giant dragon scared him. He continues to say that since they found scouts a few weeks ago they’ve been beefing up their numbers and all holed up in the main fort. A breeze comes (suspiciously) and blows open the tent flap. Now the guys all riled up because he saw the three tied up outside and wants to go mess up their grills. He runs up to Rohgar and asks “Are you ready to meet your maker?” More banter. Rohgar tries to intimidate him and does. He goes over to Gabark and Gabark pushed his neck all up into his sword. Raising his blade up, while watching Rohgar, swings it down on Gabark. Tristrim tries to stop him but has been eating popcorn and his hands are buttery. Gabark takes a bit of damage. Rombolas scares him and bandit guy cries on the ground.

All said there are about 500 bad guys on the island. 30% conscript, 60% military, 10% elite. All are at the main base.

Rohgar decides we should kill him, so Gabark circles behind him and chokes him out with his (Gabark’s) beard. Rombolas gives some sort of historical speech to inspire the troops.

Gabark pulls off “a massive barrage of ridiculousness” and him and his archers provide a wall of cover for the engineers. The engineers moves in to “blow the fuck out (it)”. Which they do. Boom. Big boom. Gabark and his archers provide another round of cover and the engineers take out another tower. There isn’t much above ground, and a good part is wrecked. We regroup and charge. 100ft away a giant 12ft tall ogre comes lumbering out with a giant club. Gabark orders the archers to attack the ogre and that the lease good of the catapults to be made into a battering ram. 8 arrows hit the ogre dead on causing him to get more pissed off and throws a handler. Rombolas tries to scare him with fire, but he just throws another of his handlers. And the battle begins.

Ogre comes charging in and thumbs T&E. Tristrim rings the spittle out of his hair and goes mafia on him and cuts the crap out of the ogres knee. Gabark misses and Evennia lays down a zone of happiness. Rohgar smacks him good and allows Tristrim to shift all up in it. Rombolas misses. The ogre goes and now Tristrim is bleeding out of his ears. Not to be out muscled, Tristrim rolls the second perfect 20 in a row and returns the favor. Gabark grabs the five finest archers they all miss. The mages all start firing magic missiles. The tank shows up. The ogre goes and now Evennia and Rohgar are bleeding. Tristrim tosses Gabark up on the tank. The tank shoots and bloodies the ogre. Gabark reloads it and we fire again. Direct chestular hit. The ogre is super mad, so he charged and tries to smash the cannon but misses and is now literally looking down the barrel. Gabark uses his mace to make a little bit of space and Tristrim throws some powder, Gabark’s mace, a crowbar and some forks into the cannon. Gabark throws 10 arrows into the cannon and lights it. The cannon is destroyed on the tank and the ogre is gone, save his legs. Gabark jumps up and declares “awesome!”.

We now take a rest. The engineers build the battering ram through the night. We set up a full perimeter, staggered soldiers, 1 up 3 down surrounding the entire complex. Triggering mechanism so when the front of the battering ram (cannon) impacts the wall it explodes.

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The Assault part 2

The opening round….everyone misses. Sick of this crap, Tristrim takes his turn to hit a critical. Knife guy tries to run in a rage toward the mages and Gabark. The mages slay him with 4 rounds of magic missiles.

Looting after the battle, we notice this fort, which we had overtaken before, (DM quote “f***ing trashed the place”)has been reinforced. We find food and provisions, but the greatest find is a damaged cannon with about 15 cannon balls. The body of knife guy yields a Sweet Knife we take for Rombolas.

Using Tristrim’s athletic leadership, our army manages to break through the west lines. Roghar tells the mages to assist in getting a message to the engineers. They decide to command a bird to fly a written message to the engineers telling them to come to the fort with tools and begin making siege engines. Gabark begins to fix the cannon like Forrest Gump assembles a rifle. (GOD DAMMIT GABARK! YOU ARE A GOD DAMN GENIUS!) We rest to wait on the engineers.

Roghar and Gabark talk to the dwarven engineers and plan to make a Medieval Tank out of provisions of the fort and the cannon.

We go back to battle taking care of a weak point where our side has been annihilated. We must defeat the enemies in 8 turns. (I can’t remember all the details because Sean is making me laugh too hard.) The round opens with some sweet dodging and defense by Evennia. Many opportunity attacks hit and one enemy dies by the start of the 2nd round. Tristrim takes heavy damage. He goes down and his regen brings him back. The bandits are crapping themselves with fear. (Yes…poop.) Tristrim uses the momentum of his arm reattaching from regenerating being down and dazed to hit 4 enemies with Sweeping Strike. The leader, however, manages to transform Tristrim into a rat. Roghar puts Rat Tristrim onto his shoulder to keep him safe and Tristrim squeaks in appreciation.

After some exchanges, Tristrim is back, but Roghar is now a squirrel. After Roghar comes back, Tristrim gets made into a piglet. We manage to kill all the bandits in turn 7 but the leader who is turning everyone into animals is still alive. Many shots miss and things are not looking good. Intimidation is our only option and we need to get a 27 or better…and Roghar BARELY rolls a 28 intimidate saving us from an invasion.

Heading back to check on the tank, Gabark helps and it is finished. This ends assault day 2!

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Back to Crapland

After speaking with the Mayor of Glyrath he agrees to help us with the assault on the island and offers the following resources:

  • 3 ships (for artillery support)
  • 15 Engineers (for construction of camp and siege equipment if needed)
  • 20 Archers
  • 100 Foot soldiers – Local militia (armed with pikes, swords, shields)
  • 20 Kegs of gunpowder (to blow holes in fortifications and other such awesome things)
  • 20 Demolitions Specialists (to handle the stuff)
  • Trackers and Forestry Specialists – Local farmers/militia/volunteer – Charisma Check
  • 2 Wizards
  • 15 Healers/Doctors/Nurses
  • Rations to support the army for a Month
  • Daily Bombardments – Scheduled areas so camp is setup out of the kill zone

We take 2 weeks to prepare for the assault, make purchases and iron out the details. We (Evennia) decide to keep Isila alive if possible.

The regular bombardments of the island continue however the trajectory has been modified to soften Isila’s forces. As the bombardments continue we set sail for the island and decide land on the north side of the island. We land on the island and set up camp and being organizing. The trackers are sent out to recon the island. They find all the forts rebuilt, though crudely. They also see roving patrols of cavalry about the perimeter of the forts. We first decide to set up an ambush to trap one of the roving cavalry groups in an effort to steal their horses. The cavalry arrive and the trap is sprung. Rombolas sets a wall of fire, trapping the cavalry. Gabark instructs the archers in such a way that they suddenly understand how to fire their bows expertly. In a horrifying barrage of sniper accurate arrows, all 15 horsemen are downed at once. Tristrim, disappointed, runs out and stabs a few people for the hell of it. Rombolas decides not to burn the bodies in hopes of saving their uniforms. Our group procures the finest 5 war horses in the group and divvy up the remaining horses amongst the wizards and a select few foot soldiers. We send a runner back to tell the ships to move out to the fort docks to blockade the supply shipments.

We press forward to meet the opposing force at fort furt and the battle begins. A crazy man runs out of the fort screaming and makes for Rohgar. As the man approaches Rohgar jumps from his horse and tries to smash him with his weight, the man being sly of foot narrowly dodges the attack and pushes Rohgar to the ground, attacking him just after. Evennia and Rohgar swing and hit, but it is absorbed. Gabark fires one off in the woods doing nothing, sweet. Rombolas curses the man and attacks, burninatin. Tristrim misses, spends an action point and…misses. Knifey guy shifts like 4 squares and smashes Rohgar with everything he’s got, bringin him to near death. He spins around for another swing and puts Rohgar down. The man shifts for Evennia and Evennia misses. Rohgar continues to die and Gabark sends an bear trap arrow flying, catching the man right square in the back. He shrugs off Gabark’s best attack and the group decides to call in the army in waiting. Two wizards and a medic are seen approaching in the distance. Rombolas walked over to Rohgar and made his best attempt to cauterize his wounds, doing a pretty good job. Blows are exchanged, Evannia heals Rohgar and brings him back from the dead and Rohgar pulls off the miracle turn, damaging the dude and healing himself further. The wizards arrive and Garbark instructs them to put the hurt on knife dude. An explosion of fire erupts from Rombolas’ hands into the guy’s face and the man is bloodied finally. Knife guy totally freaks out, spaz. Tristrim lifts his halberd high and brings it down hard on top of the knife guy. Knife man swings at Rohgar and misses. The wizards shoot mighty magic missiles at the knife fighter but its all absorbed, shit. Evennia swings and misses. The medics show up and Rohgar instructs them to standby and be ready for him to be hurtin. Rohgar misses and spends action point, and crits, woohoo, but still absorbed. More hits, more absorption WTF. Rombolas burns and Tristrim chops, finally no more absorption, the group start cuttin him down again. Knife fighter swings and misses for the final move of the evening.

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A peaceful night's sleep

After heroically rescuing the mayor of Glyrath we decide to ride back with him since he’d sworn to clear Evennia’s name. In hopes of establishing some sort of base of operations we make way for Glyrath.

Suddenly, monsoons. We trudge through the weather and think to set up a wagon circle in preparation for nightfall.

After an unusually uneventful evening, we head out once more the morning after. Approaching a curve in the road, we’re expertly ambushed by a score of dudes. After some back and forth hacking and slashing, mutual burninating and a flaming human hammerthrow, we continue on to Glyrath.

Upon returning, the mayor regales of our triumphs and saving his life multiple times. We’re bathed in gifts of gold, cleared names, and individual rooms in the mayoral mansion stocked with servants and king-sized beds.

The following day, we go over the maps and other documents of Iscilla’s island. Talking of what we’ve seen and done there, we discuss what to do to put and end to this threat.

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Fuckin' A, Bahamut and ...the Shit

Here we go!

So we’re all back at Hilltop. Some dude points at Tristrim and he bolts out the door. Evennia won’t let us chase and murder him, so we discuss what to do next. We decide to do the Lord of the Rings thing where we put pillows under our sheets and attempt to watch them get stabbed from another inn. We all head up to bed “wink” “wink”. We all get distracted and try to fill the buckets in the corners with poo. A lot ends up on the floor. Anyways, we all drop out the window and head to The Jade Tea House.

We decide for Gabark to head out first. He makes it there without issue. Evennia and Tristrim get their stealth on “avoiding lamp posts and people…with hoods up and whatnot covering our faces”. They’re spotted by the night guard, but they only really notice a 7’ dude rolling by. Rhogar heads out trying to look normal. And he does. Rombolas sees some night guard but nothing else is really noticeable.

There is a slight asian woman who asks us if we want tea. We all take some and Tristrim thanks her and says “Praise to Bahamut”. The tea tastes like shit. We get one room and head on up. Gabark is sleeping in the closet. Rhogar is sleeping by the door, Rhombolas by the window. Tristrim takes the big chair in the corner and Evennia the king size bed. During the third shift (Gabarks) there is a large crash of something coming through the window. Glass covers Rhombolas and he’s all like “uhhhhhuhuhhh”.

Its a NINJA and it yells “I’m an assassin, and I’m going to assassinate you!”. Gabark is all like “Why’re you trying you kill us you dick? We didn’t do anything.” Assassin says that there is a huge bounty for killing one of us. We’ll beat who out of him.

The battle isn’t going well for the good guys. This guy is slippery. He attempts to grab Evennia…and does! Evennia whips out the diplomacy of the gods and tells them to instead go after Isila — who’s head holds a much larger bounty (probably). He says he’ll let us go, but we need to burn down The Jade Tea House to make it look like we escaped. He also tells us that the Mayor is the one who wants us dead. The others from the shipwreck apparently were all talking about how awesome we were and they figure out that it must have been Evennia.

Tristrim goes and confronts the front desk lady. “Hey cutie, where you going?” She says something about money. Tristrim fails to sex her up so he mutters something about her being a bitch and leaves. Gabark flys out the window. Rhogar warns all the other patrons. Rhombolas burns the place down but can’t find the little lady so he can shut her up.

The group discusses what to do next. Rhogar suggests we tell someone we trust about Isila. Its down to either her parents or Farmer Joe. Evennia isn’t sure her parents would keep us hidden, so we head out to see Farmer Joe. We get there and Farmer Joe is all happy to see Evennia and is curious about the giant dragon.

THE STORY COMES OUT!!!

Evennia is in trouble from when she helped Isila escape way back when and not shes found here. She tells Farmer Joe that Isila is gathering an army and asks Farmer Joe to warn her parents. We refuse to stay with him because we don’t want to bring him trouble. He tells us to go on into the Moon Forest and in there there is a cave we should go try and hide in. He offers us some food and Tristrim gets all serious and asks Farmer Joe to go find Jesus Pig who’s tied up at The Jade Tea House and asks him to take care of him. And not to worry, Jesus Pig is really smart and will listen and learn and stuff. Before we head off, Gabark pulls Farmer Joe to the side and whispers something to him. Probably sweet nothings.

We walk for an hour and find the cave. It’s adorned with a pretty sweet rock overhang, it has about 500sq (50×10) feet of floor space and a pool at the end. We talk about where we’d like to head to next. The Mason Dixon Mountains? Vandriel?

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